i am such a fucking idiot.

Fucking fuck shit fuck what have I done

the smell of strawberry milkshakes makes me queasy and i love the way a brand new pair of tennis shoes that fit just right hug my feet. i like songs with really good build ups and a hook that i can belt out in my car when i’m driving by myself. i’m sure tracy  had weird quirks about her like that. i grew up alongside her, at swim team practice and at the park. and now she’s gone. i’ll never get the chance to learn those quirks about her. maybe i never would have either, but being the egotistical human that i am, my kneejerk reaction is to recognize the impact she’s had on my life at a personal level.  but no. she is dead and gone, forever. and less than a week later, people are turning her death into some sort of fuel for star week. her memorial was less than 24 hours after her death. why does this process seem so familiar and routine? this isn’t the way things are supposed to be. my baby sister, barely 15 years old, has to deal with what? 6 (give or take a couple) of her peers dying before they even graduate high school? i’m not inspired by tracy’s death. i’m deeply saddened by it and all i want to do is grieve and mourn her, at my own pace. i know it’s supposed to be a way to channel grief into productivity but after witnessing “suicide protocol” from the inside perspective as an office aid, i’m frankly jaded by the efforts of this community to patch up the shitty environment that it’s created for its youth to be raised in.

(Source: romanceinthedarkness, via laurenshmorin)

(Source: caturdaynights, via fierceonheels)

b-r-e-a-t-h-e-surf:

queued, at school xx

(Source: smile4once, via sun-gypsy)

Where The Light Is (John Mayer Trio)

Live At Wrigley Field (Dave Matthews Band)

Live At The Fillmore (Sara Bareilles)

Live In Boston (Fleetwood Mac)

I’m sure there’s more. I’ll add to this post later when I remember more.

(via thissocalgirl)

(Source: celebritydolls)

sometimes i like to listen to classical music and pretend i’m somewhere else. other times i just listen to maroon 5 and admit defeat. sometimes i know what i want, but most of the time what i want is a conglomerate of things i can’t even put into a coherent string of thoughts, let alone articulate to other people. sometimes i feel pretty, but mostly i just feel pretty average.  

(Source: torture-me-this-way, via twentysixofaugust)

(Source: earth-song, via impandoraimuseless)

angrymanagement:

(Ellen’s Response To One Million Moms)

(via boyfriendseason)